


a million little pieces

by oowenhunt



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Cancer, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-12 10:22:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11735073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oowenhunt/pseuds/oowenhunt
Summary: will's diagnoses turns his world upside down as he tries to navigate through it.





	1. Delicate bones

He lets out a breath. Will doesn’t feel well and he hasn’t for a while. It’s pain in his hips that shoots down his legs. It’s a fever and a cough that won’t seem to go away. He’s visibly worried and he waits another day before he decides he needs to do something about it. His stubbornness only goes so far and he can’t be an idiot about whatever it is. Will paces his apartment before he takes a cab to the hospital. He sends Connor a quick text to meet him and he waits. Will took another sick day and it’s hard to explain away why he’s there when someone asks. Connor eventually meets him in the lounge. “What’s up Will?” The dark haired surgeon asks, his arms crossed. Will leans forward, his fingers lacing together. “I..uh…I’ve been sick, like real sick for 2 weeks. I think somethin’ is wrong with me. More than..more than the flu.”

Connor bites his lip in worry. “Well, let’s go over your symptoms.” “Well, fever. cough. I’ve got a lot of pain in my hips and my legs. One of my lymph nods is swollen in my neck…I’m exhausted all the time..And Cancer runs in my family.” “Hey..whoa..let’s not throw that word around until we know exactly what’s going on.” Will shrugs his shoulders, feeling a little like he should jump to conclusions regardless. He certainly doesn’t look very good, that’s for sure. “Well, let’s run a few tests and we’ll go from there.” Will nods and follows the man out of the room and into one of the exam rooms. Connor’s never seen him so reserved before. It’s a weird thing to watch and it worries him. The red head sits on the edge of the bed and sighs. He knows people are going to see him and ask a million questions. While he appreciates how much his co-workers care, he doesn't have the energy to answer too much.

Connor examines him and takes blood samples. Will rests his head on the pillow and closes his eyes while he waits. He wakes up to prying eyes. Maggie is lingering and making it pretty obvious. “Maggie.” Will calls to her, sitting up a little. “What’s…what's going on? You okay?” The red head shakes his head at his friend. “I..I don’t think so. I'm sick. I’m not sure from what but..I don’t think..” “Hey, you’re gonna be just fine. You’ll be bossing us around here in no time.” It’s moments like this when he doesn’t want to disagree. Will wants her to be right. Maybe this is a total over reaction. Maybe he really just has the flu. Maybe he’ll be fine. 

Except he knows better.

“Let’s hope so.” Is what he replies with. This happens 4 more times with 4 other staff members. Will just answers them vaguely in hopes it’s enough. 

Connor periodically comes back to check up on him while they wait for the results. “How you feeling?” “Hot and cold. Achy. tired. Nothing’s really changed.” “Well let's see if I can get you something for the fever." “Thanks.” It feels odd being so vulnerable in front of the other doctor. Will usually puts on a face but he can’t right now. He’s let himself slip a couple of times in front of Connor but he tries hard to keep his emotions under wraps. Will falls asleep again and wakes up a little while later, feeling marginally better. “I’ve got your test results. Your white blood cell count is pretty elevated.” Connor rambles off the rest of the results and Will is quiet. “I..I think the only thing we need to preform—“ “I know.” “I’ll schedule it as soon as possible alright?” 

The red head is quiet again. Connor can see it, plain on his face how he’s feeling. Will’s face is too expressive and his eyes _always_ give him away. “This isn’t the end Will. It’s just the beginning. You’re going to be okay.” He shakes himself out the daze and focus’ on Connor. “You don’t know that.” “Well, no but you’re stubborn as hell. I can’t imagine you’d let it get to you.” Will can’t help but smile, just a little. “No. I’d prefer it didn’t.”

The appointment was scheduled pretty quick, whether or not it eased Will’s anxiety over the whole thing was debatable. He took a cab to the hospital and waited. Will hadn’t wanted to tell Jay just yet until he knew with absolute certainty what it was. He’d even kept it from Natalie or at least, he’d tried. She found out pretty quick and lectured him about not telling her right away. He just wanted to be sure. 

Connor called him over and Will followed him down the hall. Changing into that gown really put everything in perspective. He could feel himself start to get upset but he shook his head. “Come on Halstead. You can do this.” Will took a deep breath and stepped out, sitting down on the table. 

“It’s a good look for you.” Connor joked, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. “brings out my eyes.” Will replied, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “You ready?” “No..but do it anyway.” Connor started to prepare when Natalie burst into the room. “Alright, I’m here. And no, Will, you don’t get a say. I’m holding your hands.” He didn’t argue. “Just fine with me.” Will was actually really glad she was there. He wasn’t sure how he would do if he was just clutching his legs. 

Connor prepped his lower back and Will took a breath. Natalie took his hands in hers and he squeezed them, letting out a small, very quiet little whimper as he felt the needle slide into his back. It broke both their hearts hearing such a noise come out of him. “Just once more..” Will nodded quietly and took another deep breath while he waited for the other needle. he could feel his eyes water and he squeezed them shut as he felt the next one slide into his spine. “Fuckkk…” Connor slowly slid the needle out and let out a breath he’d been holding. “You’re done now.” “Thank god..Those needles seem much bigger when you’re on the receivin’ end of them i tell ya.”

Will’s back killed but at least it was done now. “Get in the wheelchair.” Connor commanded, raising his eyebrows. “My legs work just fine thank you.” “Get in the chair.” He made a face but he sat down in it. “happy?” “Yes.” Connor wheeled him down the hallway, Natalie in tow. “You don’t need to drive me home. I can take a cab.” “That’s nice.” Natalie shook her head. “I don’t want you taking a cab right now.” He huffed but he didn’t argue. Will appreciated how overprotective they were but he didn’t like being taken care of. 

Natalie drove him home and sat with him for a while. Will kept going over in his head on what to do. How was he going to afford this? He’d used the last of the money his mother had left him on school and any extra cash wouldn’t be enough. Will could likely make it work when he _really_ thought about it but it would be tight. Give up his apartment and sell his car tight. He wouldn’t be able to pay rent and having a car would be pointless. A harsh reality and one that he was prepared to live with. The rest of it, of course, would be hard. The treatment itself would likely be damaging and he could only imagine the months to come. 

natalie glanced over at him, lost in thought. “What are you thinking about?” She asked, as though she didn’t already know. Will just shook his head. “Just..everything. I’m barely going to be able to afford this. I mean I can do it but I won’t be able to make rent anymore. I’ll have to sell my car.” Money was always the problem in his life it seemed. It consumed him, constantly. it was always the major stressor, the thing that caused the anxiety. “Don’t think about that now. You’ve gotta focus on getting better first.” Easier said than done. “I’m tryin’ but it’s hard Nat.” 

He was going to have to ask Jay if he could move in with him. they’d lived together before and it had been fine but now, it was going to be different. Will didn’t want to be a burden on him when he already had a stressful job. She rubbed his arm. “Just try for me okay?” “I’ll try.” 

The results come shortly afterwards and the next thing Will knows appointments are scheduled and chemo is next week. He feels overwhelmed by everything and more importantly, he still hasn’t told his brother. 

Will sits on the couch, his phone in his hands. He stares down at it before finally working up the courage to dial. “Hey Jay. Well, I’m..not good. Uhm..I don’t know how to tell ya this…I..I..uh..I’ve got cancer. Leukaemia. Yeah. Well, I start treatment next week. Yeah. It’s…Well, it’s..stage 2. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, your guess is as good as mine. Of course Jay. I would.” And with that, the call is ended. Jay is making his way over. Will puts his head in his hands, crying just a little. He could stand in front of a person with a gun, nearly get blown up, put a hand in the cavity of a patient out in the field but this, this was something entirely out of his control. His own body was betraying him and he couldn’t just grin and bare it.


	2. i fall to pieces

It’s not until he sees Jay standing in the doorway with that look on his face does his own face fall, his emotions betraying him. Will falls apart and he’s not sure he can put himself back together again. Jay’s not doing much better than his younger brother is, sobs escaping his own lips, visions of their dying mother in his mind. His chest heaves as he continues to sob. Will gasps for air, trying to push through this breakdown, to stop himself from shaking, stop the tears that continue to fall from his eyes. The brothers stand there, hugging for what seems like ages as they try to pull themselves together. 

“I’m scared Jay..” The biggest understatement of the year as far as Will’s concerned. He doesn’t want to die in a hospital bed at 32. Will wants to live. "I know” Is all Jay can murmur right now. He’s terrified too and he doesn’t want to lose his brother like they lost their mother. They hold each other for a little while longer before breaking their embrace. 

Will makes them both some coffee because he needs something to occupy his shaking hands. “So..when you do you start treatment?” Jay finally asks, clutching his coffee mug and looking over at Will. “Next week. Monday.” “You want me to come with you?” As if there was even an option. “Yeah I would. I really would.” Will knows what to expect, at least on the medical side of things. He knows what to expect but he doesn’t know how it’s going to feel.

“Why are we drinking coffee?” Jay asks suddenly, realizing that with news like this, they should be drinking. And heavily.

“Because i’m on cold medicine. I wanted to feel a little less dead today.” Will replies solemnly. He kind of wishes for alcohol right now but he feels like once he starts, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“And?”

“I _still_ feel like shit as it turns out. Nothin’s stoppin’ this.” Will yawns but he continues to sip his coffee. He answers any other questions that Jay has but ultimately they're both deeply upset. 

Monday morning and Will’s visibly nervous. He packs his stuff up, changes into some sweats and a t-shirt, throwing a hoodie on. Jay drives him to the hospital in silence. Will walks into the front doors of the hospital and while it felt a little surreal, this is his new reality now. He gets admitted and they take him down to the chemo room. Will sits in one of the chairs, Jay at his side and the nurse comes over. Next thing he knows that pump of the machine is in his ears and he’s leaning back. His heart races for most of it but he just breathes and tries to sleep for some of it. Jay is awake the whole time, watching his brother for any signs of distress. It’s long and tedious but finally the needle is removed from his arm and Jay walks with him back to his room. 

Will’s okay for a little while. The first round is generally the hardest and he realizes that when he’s laying there still and the world is spinning. He pukes for a fair bit of the day, his throat feeling raw. His bones ache and feels more exhausted than he did before. 

The next day his hair is falling out in clumps and Jay helps shave his head. “How do you feel?” Jay asks, his head tilted in concern. “Oh I feel like garbage but at least I don’t want to vomit.” Which is about all the comfort he can give. Will’s exhausted by the end of the week. 5 days of chemo is already taking its toil on him and he hasn’t even gotten through the rest of it yet.

Everyone seems to be taking turns sitting with him through his treatments. Jay sat with him on the first day and on the second day with Natalie. Maggie sat with him on the third day and Connor the last two. It was nice not being alone. There was no way in hell he’d be able to do this without them. 

Connor was so off put by this. Will looked so..different. The fire was still in his eyes but his demeanour was toned down. “Thanks for sittin’ with me Rhodes. I appreciate it.” “You’re welcome Halstead. Anytime.” “I know you want to so just do it.” “Do what?” It wasn’t like Connor hadn’t been curious but he didn’t want to ask. “Touch my head. I know you want to.” Connor laughed but he ran his hand over Will’s bald head. “Weird.” “I know. it’s bizarre. And cold. Jay’s bringin’ me a hat later.” Eventually it’s done and Connor helps him up, out of the chair. He rolls his IV stand down the hall on one side with Connor on the other, slowly heading back to his room. “Your dad know?” “No, I’m not tellin’ him shit. Jay and I agreed not to tell ‘em.” 

“You sure?” Not that Connor is judging of course. His own relationship with his father isn’t great either. “Yeah. I’m sure. Unless I’m dyin’, I’d rather not.” They reach his room and Connor helps him onto the bed. “Thanks.” He groans a little but he doesn’t make much of a fuss as he lays back. 

“Look, I’m sor—“ “You don’t need to say that. I know the reality of this. Don’t treat me different. Just treat me like you always do. Just visit me and help me sometimes. That’s all I ask. I feel like I can ask that of you because I know Nat and Jay won’t. They just treat me like a sick person. I don’t blame them but I’m still me.” Connor nods at Will’s request and sits on the chair nearby. “You need anything though?” “No. I’ve some water over there. I’m good." A smile spreads across his face suddenly. “What?” The dark haired surgeon asks, his eyebrows raising in apprehension. “You think if I die, they could name a wing of the hospital after me?” Connor shakes his head and punches him in the arm. “You’re not dying.” “Just a thought.” Will replies with a smirk. “If I get a bruise from that later, it’s your fault.” “If the wind blows, you get a bruise.” “Shut up.” Connor let out a laugh and leaned back in the chair. 

They sit and chat and laugh for a while and it’s nice. Will likes this. He forgets sometimes how well they get along when things are quiet. Connor makes him laugh and it’s a wonderful feeling to just laugh and forget about everything going on. 

Jay comes in to the sound of the pair laughing over something Will had done that had caused some chaos in the ED, much to Goodwin’s dismay. “You guys havin' a good time?” Jay asked, a smile on his face. “Yeah. Just reminiscing over Will causing a scene in the middle of the ED.” “So just a normal day at work then?” Will chuckled at the comment. “Yeah. basically.” “I brought you a couple of hats.” Jay walked over and plopped a CPD toque on Will’s head. “Thanks big brother.”

The trio sat together for a while before Will started to get tired and a little ill from the treatment. “I’d like to vomit in peace.” Will exclaimed as he ambled into the bathroom and shut the door. “Do you want me to hold your hair?” Jay asked, causing a laugh to escape from Will’s mouth. “Don’t make me laugh!” He chuckled a little bit more before he got sick. Will sat on the floor of the bathroom for a little while, taking deep breaths. Eventually he managed to calm his stomach down and he got up, ambling back out of the bathroom. 

“You alright?” Jay asks him.

“Yeah. Just..yeah I am.”

Will ended up sleeping for the rest of the day and part of the next. He’d never been so tired in his life. Sure he’d treated patients with cancer before and certainly followed their progress but you never really knew what it was like until you actually went through it. It was tough to deal with but he was stubborn. Perhaps there were moments when he would over do it but he tried not to be too stupid about it. 

That’s not to say he didn’t get winded getting up to go to the bathroom. It was a hell of a lot of work to do it. Even worse were the days when he would get to shower. Will tended to find himself firmly planted in bed after such a task. Showering was absolutely exhausting. 

Will wakes up later, still pretty tired but he’s determined to be awake. “Hey." Natalie says warmly, resting her hand on his. “how are you?” He smiles at her presence always happy to see her face. “Oh tired but I'm alright. How are you?” “Good. Busy but good.” Natalie continues to smile as much as she can. This is breaking her heart but she wants to put on a brave face for Will. “Any good cases lately?” Will asks, hoping for some sort of medical story that’s not about him. “Not lately. It’s been steady but nothing overly interesting.” He nods, mildly disappointed. “You up for a little trip? Thought you might want to head down the ED..” “I’d like that.” He replies, his face lighting up. 

Natalie smiles and grabs a wheelchair and gets him settled in it. Technically it’s not really allowed but he was never much of a rule follower to begin with. She wheels him out of his room and heads back to their stomping grounds. Will has a good time talking to the nurses and the other doctors. He missed them and it was nice to see what they were up to and answering a million questions about how he was and how he was feeling. Even Goodwin came to see him, happy he was around. “Don’t worry, I’m firmly planted in this chair. I swear I’m not goin’ anywhere.” “I’m keeping an eye on him.” Natalie joked. “Good. You know if he had his way, he’d be down here ALL the time, trying to take patients.” Will laughed but it wasn’t far from the truth. If he had a different type of cancer, he would DEFINITELY be there in the thick of it all. “I honestly wouldn’t doubt it.” He commented, chuckling at the idea. 

He enjoys his visit and Natalie takes him back to his room. “Thank you Nat. I really needed that.” “You’re welcome. I know being trapped up here can get boring and lonely.” “Yeah it sucks sometimes. I’m tryin’ to walk a lot but I mean, there’s only so much you can get outta walkin’ around this floor.”

 

It’s the following week when he gets the port in his chest when he feels a little bit of relief knowing his arms get a bit of a break from getting poked by needles all the time. Jay finds it a little unnerving but Will’s happy about it. 

Will can hear him before he sees him and he braces himself as his father bursts into the room. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He practically yells at his youngest son. “OH you know why Dad. Don’t even start with me. Yeah we’re on better terms but you’re still on my shit list.” His father is still furious and a little hurt but he understands. 

Regardless he’s not happy. 

“You damn well shoulda told me the moment it happened. I don’t care. You’re my son.” “I might be but it’s a little hard to forget everything you’ve done and said.” They’re both quiet for a minute or two. “How are you feelin’?” “I’m exhausted Pop. And annoyed.” “Look, I’m sor—“ “Don’t apologize to me. Don’t. You don’t get to apologize to me to make yourself feel better. And you certainly don’t get to apologize to Jay. Him _least_ of all.” Will’s getting angry and he hopes his father leaves soon. “Will—“ “Don’t. Just get out. Go be _shitty_ to someone else.” his father takes the hint and eventually leaves. Will’s chest is heaving in anger and he’s trying hard not to lose it. He knows his father was just concerned but particularly now, he just can’t forget all those years. 

He’s glad his father has left because he honestly can’t deal with him right now. There’s too much going on and he simply doesn’t have the energy. Will lays there for a little while longer before he decides he wants to walk around. He still feels like garbage but he needs to get rid of the nervous energy. Will slowly pushes himself up on the bed and swings his legs carefully over the edge. He plants his feet on the ground and gets up. Will’s a little dizzy at first and he wonders if this was a mistake but he manages to find his bearings. He walks out of his room, IV in hand and pushes it up the hallway. Will does half the ward and heads back to his room, feeling winded but accomplished none the less.


	3. be alright

it’s the second week of treatment and he’s sitting back in the chair, attached to the machine with Connor at his side. He’s explaining a case he worked on the day before and while Will’s eyes are closed, he’s listening intently. Will’s piping up with questions as they sit and even get into an argument over the course of treatment. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t just scan the guy first.” “If you were _there_ you would have seen there would have been no way.” Connor counters, his eyebrows furrowed. “He was too unstable.” “Hmm.” Is all Will says in reply. He wonders if that was the case. it’s not that he doubts Connor’s medical abilities but he likes to really dive into things like that. Will wishes he’d been there to help so he had more of a picture of what was going on.

“How’s Robin?” Will asks suddenly, his eyes still closed. “Oh. Oh it’s..since her father..it’s been..kinda…we broke up..” “Oh. Sorry to hear that man.” “Well, i don't blame her. it was all a bit much.” “Well I’m still sorry. It always sucks.” “So..you and Nat..?” Connor doesn't know how much of a sore spot this is but he wants to venture an ask seeing as though he knows they’ve been spending a lot of time together. “Oh there’s nothin' there. I care for her but I think..I think it’s…not happening.” “No?” “No. I mean I sorta pursued her too early and then she chose Jeff over me so…She’s just my friend. Now talk to me about something else. This is gettin’ depressin’.”

Connor kind of chuckles but it is rather. “How are you coping?” Will thinks about that for second or two. “First of all, still depressin’ but I’m okay I guess. Just tryin’ to..do the best I can.” “Well so far you’re doing pretty well.” Will laughs a little. “Thanks.” It’s funny how he seems to be the happiest when Connor visits him. They’ve always clashed but he’s fond of the guy regardless and they do have a lot in common. “How’s Jay doing?”Connor asks, wondering if that question had a clearer answer and one that wasn't laced with a bit of doubt. “He’s copin’ as best he can. He might be takin’ it a little worse than I am tho but at least he’s talkin’ to me about it. I just told him not to keep anythin’ from me. I don’t want him to be miserable and thinkin’ about me here all the damn time. He needs to have a life.” Will pauses and chuckles a bit. “Doin’ a bit of a shitty job at it but he’s tryin’.” “Well, he _is_ your brother.” Connor points out. “it’s always hard for to see people you care about suffer.” Will opens his eyes and frowns. “I know.” He lets out a sigh. “I just…I just want to fix it, you know? And I can’t.” 

All he ever wanted to do was try to make Jay happy and he couldn’t just fix this and make it better. it was simply something that had to happen and run its course. It was interesting that the more time Connor spent with Will, the more he got a sense of just how much he cared about his family. Or at least Jay and their late mother. Connor didn’t blame him one damn bit for his loathing towards his father after having met the man. 

They sit and chat for a while longer and finally it’s done and he’s disconnected from the machine. Connor helps him up and wraps an arm around the taller man. Will leans against him slightly and they walk out of the room together. “You good?” Connor asks, checking Will before they continue up the hallway. “Oh yeah.” He nearly says not to worry but that’s not really something that can be helped. They stop half way through the walk so Will can take a breather but the stop is brief and he wants to keep going. They go the rest of the way to his room and Connor helps him into bed. “Thank you Connor. I really..appreciate you helping me. It means a lot.” “Anytime Will. You need anything?” “No. Unless you’ve got a cure for cancer because I could _really_ use it.” Connor chuckled. “Sadly no. Why don’t you rest and I’ll be by after my shift?” Will nodded at the offer and waved goodbye to the other man before his eyes fluttered shut. 

His sleep wasn’t terribly peaceful as his mind started to wander. How the hell was he going to pay for this? What if the cycle of treatments didn’t work and he had to start all over again? He certainly wouldn’t be able to go back to work right away after the transplant if it worked. A million thoughts ran through his mind, perhaps covering up the biggest worry of all. 

What if none of it worked? 

 

At least he’d die in Chicago with his friends and family.

Not that he was anywhere near ready for that. Will had plans and his plans didn’t include dying within the year. Will woke up about an hour later, feeling sick as per always and got suitably drugged up. 

He managed to sleep a little longer before waking up to the sound of the nurse coming in to check on him. “Maggie..” Will croaks, his voice still coated in sleep. “Will. Wanted to see how you were doin’.” “Tired but I feel better than I did. Can..Can we go for a walk?” He asks her, sitting up in bed and yawning, his hand covering his mouth. “You sure you’re up for it?” Her voice is apprehensive regardless of her years of experience. It’s Will. It’s her friend. “Oh yeah.” He swings his legs slowly over the edge of the bed and very carefully and slowly stands up. Will gets a little dizzy again but he braces himself on the edge of the bed. Maggie hovers for a moment more before she starts to guide him out of the room. “This ward is always unnervingly quiet.” Will comments as they walk together. “Like people are waitin’ to die or somethin’.” “You should be happy you’re in such a quiet place! Some of the other ones are just constant noise.” “I kinda like the noise. Means there’s still life out there." 

They walk arm in arm up the hallway and he’s happy she’s there. She was probably one of the first people he made friends with when he moved back. “I should buy you a wig.” Maggie says suddenly, a smirk on her face. “Oh I know what it would look like. It’d be like, bright pink and out to here.” “No, it wouldn’t be pink. Pink would make you paler than you already are. Even when you were healthy, you were still pretty pale.” Will lets out a laugh. “True. Blue then?” Maggie nods a grin on her face. “I think blue would be perfect.” It feels good to laugh with her and they continue to do so for the rest of their visit. “Maybe I’ll take you down to the ED tomorrow?” She smiled as she watched his eyes light up at the idea and he nodded. “I would like that a lot. You’re too good to me Maggie.” She helped him back into bed and leaned back, wincing just a little. "You alright?” “Yeah..just..my hips hurt. I’ve been tryin’ to stay mobile and everythin’ but maybe it’s not enough.” 

“Have you told your doctor about it?” Maggie asked, her eyebrows raised in hopes Will _actually_ had. “I have. He’s upped my pain meds and keeps tellin’ me to walk which I do. And rest when I get tired, which I do. I’m tryin’ to be smart about this. I’m tryin’. I am.” He paused for a moment before he spoke. “It’s hard..not being in control of this. Hard bein’ on the receiving end of this. I’m supposed to be a doctor not the patient…” Maggie let out a sigh and sat in the chair next to his bed. “I know it’s hard Will. You of all people are probably going crazy. Can’t run around the ED in a fury, bossing people around. Now people are bossing you around.” Will laughed. She was so right. “It’s killin’ me Maggie. The highlights of my day are you guys visitin’ me and when Jay brings me food. It’s boring as hell.”

“I’ll bring you some books or something.” She paused. “Maybe even a case..” “You’d be my favourite if you did.” Will replied a grin on his face. “I’m already your favourite.” “True.”

As Maggie leaves and walks down the hallway, she spots Connor coming up the hallway himself with two to go cups in his hands. “Visiting Will?” She asks, her head tilted slightly. “Yeah. Thought he could use some company and make a little bit of caffeine.” 

His face lights up when Connor comes into the room and even more so when he spots the cup in his hand. “I brought you a latte.” “You’re the best. Maggie’s still my favourite but you’re a close second.” Will comments, taking the cup from him and sipping it slowly. “Oh god that’s good.” He holds it in his hands, the warmth radiating. Every time Connor visits he can’t help but feel elated by his presence. Maybe it’s just a familiar face and the sense of comradely he feels towards him. Will kind of expects the other man to visit him every day. It’s turned into a routine the past couple of weeks and he hasn’t quite realized it just yet. Maybe it’s the one day when Connor’s stuck in surgery all day and his heart kind of falls when he realizes he’s not coming. Will’s mildly startled by this but he shakes his head.


	4. everything

chapter 4 - everything

He's got good days and bad days and today is a _bad_ day.

Will’s tried to eat a little but can’t keep much down. He’s spent the better part of the day trying to sleep it off, hoping that the next time he’s awake he’ll feel better. Every position is uncomfortable no matter what he does. It's only after moving several more times does he find one that kind of works. It’s still sorta painful but at least it’s helping his stomach. Will’s on his side, his back facing the door. It’s when he starts to sweat that he gets a little worried. He’s got a fever which isn’t surprising. His immune system sucks right now and anything could make him ill. Will just doesn't need this right now and his stomach twists in worry. 

It’s the next day and his doctor and the nurses give him some medication and give him a sheet to lay under. Will lays there in his black tank top and boxers, bathed in sweat. His fever isn’t getting better and he’s holding a cloth on his forehead when he hears some foot steps enter his room. Will cracks open his brown eyes and sees Connor standing there, a little smile on his face. He smiles back. “Hey..” Will says quietly, his eyes closing again. “Hear you’ve got a fever. I can come back later if you want..” The dark haired surgeon offers, wondering if now is just not the time. The former red head shakes his head. “No..I..wouldn’t mind the company..at least for a little while.” “Of course.” Connor sits on the nearby chair, his fingers laced together, his brow furrowed at the sight. “So..what’s..new? tell me things..” Will asks, his eyes still closed. Connor begins to tell him a story about a case they’re working on at the moment. It’s a lot of touch and go and they’re trying to treat the symptoms as they come up. 

“Dive..dive into the history..Don’t..don’t disregard _anything_ …Literally..anything…” Connor nods at Will’s suggestion, wondering what they might have missed. He thought they’d been pretty thorough but sometimes you just didn’t know. “Treat…treat the patient…don’t…just..symptoms…treat..treat the symptoms..” “Just rest..” Connor says, resting his hand on Will’s shoulder, his skin hot. “God..this..fucking sucks..” Will says, chuckling a little. “it does. hate seeing you like this.” “You miss my smart mouth?” “The ED isn’t quite as challenging without you there." Will laughed, knowing that was probably pretty true. “I'm so hot..not _just_ in looks..” Connor chuckled and sighed. “Medicine not helping?” Will shook his head. “Not really...I just…” “You know..I’ll be right back..” Connor said, pushing himself up out of the chair. He headed out into the hallway. 

“You're one of Will’s nurses right?” Connor asks the young lady standing at the desk. She nods. “Yeah. Ashley. How’s his fever?” “Not good. I think he needs an ice bath or something. Anything to bring it down..” She pours over Will’s chart for a moment and nods. “I’ll get it going if you want to bring him down the hallway.” Connor agrees and heads back into the room. “Hey Will, we’re gonna try to bring that fever down alright?”

He doesn’t answer right away and Connor’s heart nearly stops before Will moves and says okay. Connor helps him sit up and gets him into a wheelchair. He pushes him down the hallway and into the bathroom. Between Ashley and Connor they get him undressed and into the tub. The water is cool against his hot skin and he feels relief for the first time all day. Will lays there with his eyes closed and he just tries to breathe. He nearly protests when it’s time to get out but that requires energy he simply doesn’t have. They get him dried off, dressed again and back to his room. It certainly helped some but Will is still uncomfortably hot. He’s honestly surprised he hasn’t thrown up in the past hour but he’s waiting. Why wouldn’t he _actually_ get the flu now? Before he had just thought he had it and now it was a reality. Seemed ironic.

It never fails to unsettle Connor every time he sees Will these days. He just seems to be getting sicker and sicker, the light in his eyes slowly fading away. It’s when his fever spikes in the middle of the day when Connor is there visiting again, Will’s a little delirious, babbling about light or something. Connor’s not sure but he’s pretty worried. “Every…everythin’…it’s…colours…” “You’re not making sense…” “Oh..” Will replies, visibly confused that he’s not making sense. 

Maybe he says something else or maybe it’s just a faint noise when Connor looks up once more, after running his hands through his hair. Will is just staring at nothing, his eyes are blank and then, he just seizes. His limbs stiff, his body moving without warning and control. “Will!” Connor practically shouts, pushing the chair back abruptly. “I need help!” 

Watching it all unfold and Connor finds his heart racing and a well of emotion in his chest. They manage to get a handle on it and Connor has to excuse himself. He finds the nearest closet and he paces, his chest heaving as he tries to find the air his lungs don’t seem to have. His eyes tear up and he can’t lose another friend or whatever Will happens to be. The one day Connor missed visiting him and all he could feel was guilt. As impossible as the red head was, Connor couldn’t imagine a world without him. 

He manages to collect himself, somewhat, and heads back to Will’s room. He’s unconscious but he’s breathing. Ice packs litter his body and he’s been drugged to high heaven. Anything to get the fever down. Connor takes his clammy hand in his shaky one and shakes his head. “Damn it Will. Don’t scare me like that. You..you can’t just do that..” He sits with him for a little while before popping out into the hallway to call Jay. Jay had actually been on his way regardless and arrived in no time flat, demanding as many answers as possible.

“His fever spiked significantly. They were trying to bring it down but nothing would. His body couldn’t cope and he seized…”

“Is..is he gonna wake up?” Jay asks hesitantly. He’s not sure he wants to know the answer but he can’t avoid it.

“Well, they think so. There’s brain activity and he’s slowly responding to external stimulation. Right now they’re just trying to keep his body temperature down.”

Jay glances over at his unconscious younger brother and frowns, shaking his head. “This..was not supposed to happen..” “You can’t plan for this stuff Jay. It just..happens. You know as well as I do that Will’s way too stubborn to let this get him down.” Jay kind of chuckles because it’s certainly very true. “I know. I’ve just never seen him like this.” The pair sigh, glancing back at Will’s unconscious form. “Is he gonna be okay when he wakes up? I know sometimes that kinda shit can damage someone’s brain..” “Well, we won’t know until he wakes up. He might have damage but it might be temporary.”

Jay lets out an exasperated sigh and stands there with his arms crossed before he turns back towards Connor. “I’m gonna ask you somethin’ and then you need to be _real_ honest with me.” “Okay..” He replied, wondering what he might ask. There was only so much information about Will’s condition he could answer before he woke up. 

“Are you datin’ my brother?” The words tumble out of Jay’s mouth and Connor’s eyebrows furrow. He’s not expecting that question at all. it was about the last thing he thought he’d hear. “What? No. We’re not..” “Well you two are sure actin’ like it.” Connor’s speechless and he stands there silently while he tries to figure out what to say. “We’re not. I promise.” he finally manages to stumble out. “You care about him?” The older Halstead is obviously not done with his line of questioning and suddenly Connor feels like a suspect. “Well, yeah, I mean, he’s my friend..” “Look, Rhodes.” Jay begins, seeing through whatever sort of bullshit Connor seems to be spewing. “I see the way he looks at you. I’ve _never_ seen him look at someone that way before, not even Nat. Don’t you dare lead him on or I will end you.”

Jay’s words are not empty. Sure he’s shocked that his brother cares for another guy but he’s honestly only worried about the person his brother is lusting after. He sort of knows Connor but not well. Jay isn’t sure he trusts this guy and he makes a point to check him out. At least this man seems to be supportive of Will and has looked out for him the whole time.

And maybe, Connor has to step back and analyze just what the hell is going on and how he feels. He does, however, sit next to Will’s unconscious form. Perhaps he cares more than he realizes. Jay sits in the other chair, glancing at his brother and occasionally looking over at Connor. 

 

it’s the middle of the night when Will finally wakes up. He feels groggy, and for a moment, he forgets where he is. His skin is cold and he feebly grabs at the sheet next to him and puts it over his bare legs. Will looks around, remembering he’s in the hospital and notices two sleeping forms next to him; Jay & Connor.

A small smile spreads across his face and he’s happy he’s not alone. 

“You’re awake.” Jay whispers, his ever watchful eye on his brother. “Yeah. How..how long have I been out? What happened?” He croaks, trying to clear his throat. “Maybe a day. You scared the shit outta us Will. You had a seizure. I guess the fever got too high..” “Sorry..Shit..” Will whispers back. He reaches out and squeezes Jay’s hand as best he can. He can’t quite get a grip but he’s trying. Jay just puts both his hands around his.

The neurologist stopped by later on to check on Will’s cognitive functions and what his reactions to external stimuli would be. Some of his reactions are delayed but the doctor is confident that it’ll come back in time. Will just sighs. He’s glad he’s alive and his brain is working as well as it can. Eventually Will falls back asleep, unable to keep his eyes open much longer.

Connor wakes up first, lifting his head for a moment and glancing at the siblings. It looked as though Will had obviously woken up which was a relief. He just hoped everything was alright. Connor yawned and sat up, rubbing his face, and swinging his legs over the edge of the cot. Jay heard him stir and opened his eyes. “He woke up last night…” He mumbled, yawning and stretching his limbs. “Thank god…” As if the tone of his voice doesn’t give away exactly how he feels. His heart had practically stopped watching the other man lose control of his body, wondering if he would even wake up ever again. 

Will sleeps for a while longer until his brown eyes flutter open. He’s still a little confused but he knows who Jay and Connor are. “God, you scared me.” Connor comments, glancing over at Will’s groggy self. “I’m..sorry…” He murmurs back even if, he couldn’t really prevent what had happened. Will reaches out and takes Connor’s hand in his but Jay doesn’t say anything. Yet. He’s got a lot of questions for Will but he wants to wait until he feels better. Connor, stares back at Will, glancing over at Jay before turning his full attention on the younger Halstead. “I know you didn’t like your chemo treatments but that was no way to get out of it.” He jokes. A small smile spreads across Will’s face at the other man’s joke. “You know..me. I’m a…little… dramatic..” “I know! You’re a bit of a handful.” Connor added with a laugh, his eyes twinkling. “I…I..bet you wouldn’t..have it any other..way..” “Nope.” Connor pauses for a second. “Well, maybe a little less…” Will just shrugs. 

It takes a couple of days before Will feels like himself again. His fever has gone down and he’s resumed his treatments again. Everything seems back on track. 

Jay’s visiting Will when he sits down and clears his throat. “So..When were you gonna tell me about Connor?” He asks, his eyebrows raised, arms crossed. Will’s kind of startled by this line of questioning and his eyebrows, or lack there of, furrow. “What?” “You and Rhodes. You care about him.” “Well, he’s my friend..” As if Will can lie to his brother, his eyes immediately giving him away. Will narrows his brown eyes for a moment as he watches Jay raise his eyebrows accusingly. “Fine…I care about him alright? He’s just..been here through it all. He was…He was the only one I was thinkin’ of when I woke up…” The former red head pauses for a second. “Don’t tell Dad..” As if he needs to say those words but he worries. “I’m not tellin’ Dad shit Will. He doesn’t need to know. I mean, I’m a little shocked but…I see…I see how you look at him and how he looks at you..” “Yeah? He does?” Maybe he saw it in Connor’s eyes but still, he was never completely convinced. It would be _too_ good. Too perfect. 

“Of course he does! Hell, he was here the whole fuckin’ time you were unconscious. Honestly, I just want ya to be happy. If he makes you happy, then that’s all that matters.” Jay pauses. “But if he hurts you, I swear to god he’ll regret it…” The threat was not an empty one and Will knew that. “Thank you..Really. It just kinda…took me by surprise..” As if his heart didn’t swell when there was a chance that Connor might feel the same way. He was happy Jay seemed supportive which suppressed some of the fear he had. This was a massive step and one that while he was still terrified of, he was ready to try. 

It was later when Connor was visiting again, in the middle of telling a story about Noah’s antics did Will just blurt it out. 

“I care about you Connor.” Maybe the timing and the context was out of whack but he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“What? I care about you too…Glad you’re okay…” 

“No no, I mean I _care_ about you. A lot. I…” Will pauses before he speaks again. He’s not sure if he wants to admit this but he has to. “I..I love you..Like, I’m lookin’ forward to your visits all the time. Every…every time I see your face I just…can’t help but smile. I..I miss you when you’re not around..God Connor…I..I’ve loved you since..since you gave me that damn tie..” He says, a smile spreading across his face. “You just make everythin’ better. I feel like I can…I don’t know..breathe again..” Will confesses, his eyes softening as he looks at the other man. “You’re just…always there for me. You always have. I hope that maybe, you’d love me too?” His brown eyes pleading, hoping the feeling was a mutual one.

Connor listens to Will spill his heart out and he’s sort of surprised. He does, however, let out a small sigh, a smile spreading across his face. 

“Will, I love you too. The moment you yelled at me for being on top of that patient, I knew there was something..You were just…so..damn cocky. Some fucking know it all..Except you do know a lot. I suppose it doesn’t help you’re one of the best doctors we have…that can’t be good to contain that ego of yours.” Connor smirks and laughs a little as he talks. “But, you’ve also got a huge heart. You care so much about everyone around you and I know, you’d do anything for people. You’re so fiercely loyal and I just love that. I love your heart and your smart mouth..and that little smirk you get on your face when you’re right.” Will can’t help but grin as Connor speaks, his heart swelling in his chest. “Come here.” He brings the other man’s face to his and Will firmly plants his lips on his. Connor’s lips are soft and Will could kiss him all day. He tastes like coffee and a hint of mint. His fingers run through Connor’s dark brown hair, his tongue continuing to explore the man’s mouth. Will wants to continue but he also wants to breathe and he reluctantly breaks the kiss. 

Connor’s surprised by the kisses but he can’t complain. Will’s lips are also soft and he tastes a little like chocolate from the couple of pieces he’d brought him. He could kiss that man all day and never get tired of it and it’s a startling realization but one that he enjoys. “Move over..” Connor suddenly says, standing up. Will shimmies over a little and Connor crawls into the bed next to him, wrapping his arms around him. He leans into the other man, happy he’s there. Will closes his eyes and savours the contact. Connor’s warm and he smells good, like the body wash he used that morning had pine in it. Will wanted more but he wouldn’t, just yet. He wanted breathlessness, lingering stares and gentle touches. But not yet. Will wasn’t going to just, jump into this head first. He had his health to think about right now. His heart needed a little more protection. 

“I’m really happy you love me.” Will says suddenly, enjoying being cuddled up to Connor while they lay in bed. The universe has righted itself and he feels like he might be okay. The other man can’t help but smile at the comment. “Well I’m happy you love me back.”


	5. moments passed

chapter 5 - moments passed

“It’s not working.”

Will just stares. He doesn’t say anything because his face says it all. Disappointment flashes in his eyes and his face falls. 

“So..now what?”

As if his mind doesn’t head towards the worst case scenario. 

“We’ve got a couple of options. We could continue the chemo therapy as you have been and hope you just needed a bit more of it…Or, we could get more aggressive. There’s another type that would be more effective I believe, in the long run. It’s harsh and it’ll take a toil on you Will but I believe you’re strong enough to endure it.” 

Will isn’t looking forward to this. He doesn’t feel like his body is ready for such aggressive treatment after just finishing up his first month long round of chemo. Regardless, this might be his only option. He knew the treatments weren’t working. The pain in his hips and his back that often seemed far more extreme than normal. 

“Okay.” As if he can muster up the energy to say anything else. His doctor can tell he’s upset and he tells him to just take some time and they’ll discuss it later. 

Will just sits on the edge of the bed and puts his head in his hands. He wants to text Connor but he’s in surgery and Will doesn’t want to bother him. Will’s terrified about the next step but he knows he can’t just give up. He’s a fighter through and through. 

Will sobs a little and has a little _why me_ moment. While he feels like the universe screwed him over, he feels blessed that he’s a doctor and that he’s got the best care he could have. His friends and Jay have been nothing short of fantastic and, well, he’s got Connor. Connor is the brightest light he could have and the urge to text him is now overwhelming. Will grabs his phone and sends one off.

{ text } when you have a free minute or two, i’d like to see you.   
{ text } got some news.

He notices the texts are read immediately and he figures he must be done. Connor doesn’t take long to appear in the room and he looks at Will and Will looks back at him and falls apart. “What is it?” He whispers, rubbing the man’s back as he hugged him. Will just sobs as he tries to figure out a way to compose himself long enough to tell him. It takes some doing but he finally manages to calm, just a little.

“It’s…it’s not..workin’..”

That’s not what Connor wants to hear. “What do you mean?”

“My..chemo..it isn’t…Doctor thinks…I need somethin’ more aggressive..” Will replies with a shaky voice. He doesn’t want to continue to sob and cry in Connor’s arms but he can’t seem to help it.   
“Hey..hey, it’s gonna be okay..I’m going to be right here with you..” “Well, I’m gonna need you Connor…” He whispered back to him, clinging onto him for dear life. 

It’s the second day into the new treatments and Will’s spending the day puking his guts out. It’s painful and he feels dizzy. His upper body contracts as he empties his stomach once more and when the relief comes he finally lays back in bed, putting a cold pack on his forehead.  
“Will..” A familiar voice says.

“Ms Goodwin..”

“Can I speak to you for a minute?”

“Maybe…maybe later…I’m just…not…”

“It’ll only take a minute. I promise.”

“Okay..” 

She lets out a sigh. Will’s heart sinks and he wonders what this is. He honestly can’t take more bad news right now. 

“The hospital has decided to fully cover your treatments.”

“What?”

“Despite some of your… _past indiscretions_ , your dedication to the hospital, to your patients and to the other members of staff is greatly appreciated and cherished. The only stipulation is that you remain working at the hospital for the majority of your career..”

Will was not expecting this. It took him by complete surprise and he honestly didn’t know what to say at first.

“…Thank you..I..I just…I’ll work here forever if you want..” He could already feel himself welling up and he pushed himself up on the edge of the bed. Will gestured for her to come close and he hugged her. “I..I know..I’m not the easiest…but..I just…” “I know.” She hugged him back, hoping to hell he’d recover.

Will tried hard not to sob too much all over her, after all, she was still his boss. He thanked her profusely and then finally laid back in bed again. 

Will couldn’t believe it. The hospital that he had often felt would be better off without him was seemingly trying to save his life. There was no way he would have been able to afford this next round of treatment and the idea of giving up and succumbing had been in the back of his mind.

Now, however, it seemed as though, that wasn’t going to be the case. 

“Connor, the hospital..it’s gonna pay for my treatment..” Will whispered to him, his fingers playing with the collar of the man’s scrub top. His head rested on his chest, his long legs flush against Connor’s. “Oh my god..OH my god Will!” “I know..Goodwin..she just…told me earlier..I just can’t believe it..” “That’s amazing!” Connor leaned his head down and kissed him gently, earning a smile. 

Will hasn’t been this happy in ages. He’s never felt worse but at least he’s got Connor and at least he might not be broke by the end of this. 

Connor comes by later on in the day and looks at Will who happens to be asleep. He’s thin and particularly pale. Will’s been too weak to get up by himself and Connor’s taken it upon himself to wheel him around the hospital when he’s up for it. Sometimes he goes for short walks, clutching onto Connor’s arm for support.   
“Will..” He says softly to him, kissing his forehead. Connor doesn’t want to wake him but Will insists on it. He’s got plenty of time to sleep and he’d rather spend the day awake with his boyfriend. His eyes slowly open and he smiles as he feels Connor’s lips on his skin. He guides Connor’s lips towards his and kisses him slowly. “Babe..” Will whispers, running his fingers through the man’s hair. “How are you feeling?” “Hmm..tired. Achy but alive.” “You up for a walk?” Will considers the question and while he’s not entirely sure he nods anyway. “Yeah.” 

He helps him sit up slowly. “Okay, just hold onto me alright?” Will’s not gonna let go and while he wobbles a bit once his feet plant on the ground, he finds his centre. Connor weaves an arm through the other man’s and they slowly head out of the room. “How are you doing?” He asks as they get several feet away from his room. “Oh fine..Tired. Keep goin’.” They walk about half way down the hall and turn back. While he knows Will wants to keep going, he can also tell the man is losing his steam. Connor helps him back into bed and Will lets out a sigh, resting one of his hands on his chest. “You…you are too good to me Connor..” He breathes, his eyes closed while he concentrates on slowing his heart rate. “You..you should take…take a day off…and just…chill…” “Babe, you know I don’t mind doing this. I want to be here..” “I..I know..but..you..you’re healthy..your..your life shouldn’t…revolve..around me…all the time..Most of the time…but..not..all the time..” Connor’s hesitant to agree but maybe it would be a good way to recharge. “Fine.” He finally agrees. “Good..” 

Connor spends some more time with him before Will tells him to go home. 

“How’s he doin’?” Maggie asks, looking up from her phone, a worried look on her face. “Ah he’s in good spirits.” Connor replies, hands in the pockets of his jeans, bag slung over his shoulder. “Yeah? And how are you?” “Just…scared. I’m exhausted and terrified and I can’t lose him Maggie..” “Will’s too stubborn. You’re not gonna lose him…” While she wants to comfort Connor, she’s not taking much comfort in her own words. Maggie saw him in the morning and he just keeps looking worse and worse. It’s a painstaking process and it’s generally hard on everyone. “Now go home and get some rest alright? We’ve got him.” Connor nods, walking over and giving her a hug before leaving. 

He drives home with his windows down, the breeze tousling his hair. It feels good and it’s comforting. The music in his car is playing loudly and it fills his ears along with the wind. Connor gets home and he has a little cry as he often does. He shakes his head and wipes his eyes and hops into the shower. Connor spends the evening lost in thought, tipping a beer to his lips periodically. It occurs to him as he leans back on the couch, his eyes idly watching a movie that he loves Will. He never doubted how much he cared for him but the hours they’re apart seem excruciating and he just misses him. All Connor wants to do is hear his voice, see that little smile of his and wait for some sort of smart ass remark. He misses Will’s attitude. Will’s often too tired for it and maybe a little too defeated. No one is taking this well, him and Jay especially. Connor and Jay periodically get together and try to bond. They do have moments when they purely talk about Will, often reminiscing about his antics and cackling loudly. Other times they just talk about hockey and the weather and stories about work. 

Will feels kind of lonely and misses Connor like crazy but he knows it’s for the better. Connor has looked nothing sort of exhausted for a while. He’s contemplating whether he should sleep or read his book when he hears someone clear their throat. Will looks up to see his father standing in the doorway. Maybe he’s kind of surprised that he’s appeared again but then again, this was the man he’d gotten some of his stubbornness from. 

“Dad.” Will says taking a breath. “I thought..I thought we talked about this.” The older Halstead stares at his son, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight. He looks a lot worse than the last time he was around which worries him. Periodically Jay sends him messages about how Will is doing but they are always straight to the point. “I know kid. I know. I just…I want to do better.” It’s not like Will doesn’t want to immediately forgive his father because he certainly does. Will wants to throw caution to the wind but he knows better than that. He’s not a naive little child anymore. Then again, it might do a bit of good to give him a tiny bit, if only for his own mental health. “I know you do..” Will sighs. “Come sit Dad.” His father hesitantly makes his way over to the bed and sits in the chair next to the bed. “How..how are you feelin’?” “I’m tired. This..this new…treatment..is hard.” This situation reminds Patrick a lot of when his wife had been ill and looking at his son, who was a near spitting image of their late mother was hard. Very hard. “They’re..they’re hopeful and…I am too..” 

Will clears his throat. “The..the hospital is..paying for my treatment..Guess..guess they decided I was worth it after all..” His father smiles and shakes his head. “You _are_ worth it. From what I hear, you’re one of the best doctors here..Look, I know I was..awful to you boys growin’ up..especially..when your mother got sick..and no..no amount of apologies is gonna fix that..but I am sorry. I’m..I’m so _so_ proud of you.” Will appreciated the words his father was saying and while he wasn’t about to forgive him, at least he’d tried. That was more than he’d done in a long damn time. “Thank you.”

The conversation was short but worth it. His father sits with him a little longer before Will starts to get particularly tired. “Maybe I’ll see ya tomorrow?” Will offers, wondering if the man will agree or not. He’s not holding his breath. “You might.” His father seems relieved by the offer and squeezes Will’s hand before he leaves. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep shortly afterwards. 

Will sleeps for several hours, having some bizarre dreams. He wakes up mildly confused by the dream he’d just had of operating on Jay while he’s awake. Will’s wearing pyjamas and Natalie is there baking something. Suddenly he’s on the top of the hospital and he just runs, jumping off the edge and flying into the sky. It’s sort of exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. There are colourful creatures in the sky and the world is brightly coloured. It’s a trippy dream and he hopes once his treatments are over, the weird dreams will stop. 

“Hey sleepy head.” 

Will looks up and see’s Maggie standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. “Hey Maggie. How are ya?” He’s happy to see her as he always is and he pushes himself up in the bed. “Oh good. Keepin’ busy. How are you?” Will shrugs. “So far, just exhausted. I just woke up about 5 minutes ago.” “You up for a walk?” “Oh always.” 

Maggie helps him out of bed, making sure he’s got his feet firmly planted on the ground. “You good?” “Yeah.” 

They hook their arms together and slowly walk out of the room. He doesn’t have the stamina like he did before and he’s already getting exhausted. It’s a short walk but he always appreciates them. 

“Thank you Maggie..” Will breathes to her as she helps him back into bed. “So I hear..Goodwin is getting the hospital to pay for your treatments..” Maggie brings up as she sits down, a small smirk on her face. “They…they are…Turns out…I might..be…the..favourite..” Will says with a grin. “Keep tellin’ yourself that Halstead.” Maggie replies, grinning back at him. “They….they gotta name a wing..of…of..the hospital..after me..if..if..I die…those..are..the rules..So..they gotta..try..” He jokes, laughing a little. “God, I can’t even imagine. The Halstead Wing…” She laughs, shaking her head. “Hey! It..it rolls..off the tongue..” Maggie just shakes her head at her friend and takes his hand in hers. 

“We’re not gonna name a damn wing after you because you’re gonna live alright?” As funny as it is to joke about, she’s scared still. The idea is an upsetting one and she hopes that he somehow makes it through. “Hey, I’m gonna do..the best I can. I..I got plans Maggie. I already got Connor…to…fall in love with me..and I can’t just.. _die_ right in..the middle of it..” Will takes a couple more deep breaths, while his heart finally rights itself. Walking takes a hell of a lot out of him but he won’t stop. “How is that going by the way?” “Good…Really good. I mean, it’s kinda shitty because I’m stuck in the hospital so maybe it’s not…exactly what we want but…it's somethin’.” “I'm really surprised it look this long to be honest. You two have been making eyes at each other since day one..” “Well, he did tell me he liked me the moment I yelled at him on his first day…” 

“You two..” “Now Maggie, tell me you’ve got someone in your life.” “Well..there is this guy..” “Is there?” Will grills her as much as possible and tells her he wants to meet him. “You’re practically my sister and I’ll be damned if you date some scumbag.” A family member of a patient. Probably highly inappropriate if not entirely typical of the group of them.

She sits with him for a while and they chat and laugh before she realizes she’s got to start her shift. “You take care of yourself, alright? I’ll stop by later okay?” Will nods and smiles at her. She kisses the top of his bald head and heads out of the room. 

Connor stops by later with a tea for Will and a coffee for him. “Hey babe.” He says with a smile on his face, walking over to Will and kissing him gently. “Hey.” Will replies softly, smiling back. “How are you feeling?” Will shrugs. “Ah okay. Maggie and I walked a little. It was nice. A little exhausting tho but it is what it is. How are you?” Connor sits on one of the chairs near the edge of the bed and makes sure to move it close. He starts running his fingers over Will’s head and the former red head leans into him, closing his eyes. “I’m alright. Tired. It’s been a busy day already.” “Well I hope you’re goin' to go home to sleep after this.” “I will.” “You better. And maybe have a glass of scotch for me.” “You’re very bossy.” “So I’ve heard.” Will replies with a smile. 

They chat for a while longer before they run out of things to say. Will doesn’t have much to offer on his end, his days tending to bleed together. Connor spends the next 5 minutes saying goodbye to him, not being able to help stealing another kiss or two. He can never get enough of his lips and likely never will. Will watches him leave and sighs. He hates this. Will feels trapped by his own body and he doesn’t trust it one damn bit. He likes, however, looking at the pictures around him of his friends and family and the cards that have been sent over and over. Will’s currently got two bouquet’s of flowers in his room which actually cheer him up a bit. Regardless, It’s hard to constantly find something to do because he can’t just leave this room without some preparation. It’s not like he can leave the hospital and do things. It’s annoying and he wishes, that somehow, he could just go home.

Will feels like this isn’t fair for Connor. The thoughts tended to creep into his mind when he was particularly tired and today was one of those times. Sometimes he wonders if they shouldn’t just break up so Connor can be with someone who’s healthy and not trapped in a hospital bed. Then again, Connor obviously agreed by his own free will.


	6. Beautiful Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cheese. christmas cheese. in march. you're welcome.

The snow gently falls from the sky, soundlessly as it makes it way to the ground. The wind isn't even very loud, blowing the snow softly. Will stares out the window, lost in thought. It's nearly Christmas and he's _still_ stuck in the hospital. He wishes he could spend time away but it's obviously not possible. Will occupies his time glancing outside and watching the Christmas decorations slowly appear around the city. He likes looking at the lights at night. It's pleasant and oddly comforting. 

"Hey." A familiar voice says into his room. A smile spreads on his face before he even looks to see who it is. Will turns his head, happy to see Connor standing there. "Hey yourself." The former red head replies, already holding his arms out. They embraced, Will making sure to get a taste of his man's lips. "I missed you." He admits, murmuring into the other man's ear as he continues to hug him. "I missed you too. How are you feeling?" Connor asks, giving him a light squeeze before sitting on a nearby chair. Will shrugs. "Okay. I don't really feel sick or anythin' so I can't complain too much. How are you?" "Not too bad. Been busy as hell in the ED. Really could use you." "Well, gimmie another couple of days and I'll be ready." Will jokes, a small smile spreading on his face. Connor chuckles. "Okay, whatever you say slugger." What Will wouldn't give to be a doctor again though. It's been too damn long. And then Will gets quiet for several minutes before he speaks again. "Connor.." He starts, clearing his throat. "What?" Dark eyebrows crease the skin between them. "Is..is this too much for you? I..I don't want you to feel obligated to be..with me because I'm ill. I don't want you to constantly be my care giver. I want you to be my boyfriend." Will _had_ to ask. He had to. Putting it out there in case Connor _did_ feel like he couldn't handle it. Will wouldn't hold it against him and it was now or never. He might not survive this treatment and he didn't want to hurt Connor more than he might. "Of course not Will. This is _not_ too much for me. I want to be here with you. I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I'm going to be with you until the end and if that's...a month from now or 40 years from now, I don't care." Connor pauses. "And besides, even when you're healthy, you still need someone to take care of you." Will can't help but smirk though the tears that have pricked his eyes. "Thank you. I don't plan on dyin' any time soon. This treatment's gotta work. I'm not gonna give up." "You better not." Connor couldn't imagine a world without the red head in it. The idea was too traumatic. 

"It's almost Christmas." Will points out as the pair gaze out the window. Connor's taken his shoes off and he's crawled next to Will in the bed. "It is. I'll have to get you a little tree to put somewhere. Get this room a little more Christmas-y...And before you say anything, we're spending Christmas together. I don't want to hear it. We are." Will doesn't argue because he wants nothing more than to spend it with Connor. "I haven't gotten anyone anythin'...especially you.." "I'm sure we'll be able to manage. You've been a little distracted." Connor countered, raising his eyebrows at the former red head. "Are you gonna say me still bein' here is your Christmas present because that's a _damn_ good present I think." Will adds with a wide smirk on his face. Connor just shakes his head at him but he can't help the smile that spreads on his face. "You're so full of yourself..but it is _kinda_ true." Will continues to smirk. "Good." He kisses Connor's cheek and rests his head on the man's shoulder. 

They spend a couple of hours together before Connor gets paged away leaving Will alone with his thoughts once again. He thinks about the future, assuming he has one. Will kind of thinks he does, at least at the moment. He feels like he would know if the treatment wasn't working like he did with the last one. 

It's finally Christmas and Will feels exhausted even if he slept the whole night fairly peacefully. Days after treatments are generally rough but he doesn't feel nauseous surprisingly. Will cracks an eye open when the nurse comes in, wishing him a Merry Christmas. He manages to smile at her sleepily and does his best to answer her questions. Will gets some medication and soon he's greeted with some breakfast. He eats some of the bagel and skips the eggs. Will's tasted them once and decided never again, if they are actually eggs at all. The orange juice is fine and he savours the coffee. He ends up having another nap after he's eaten and doesn't wake up until Connor stirs him, whispering a _Merry Christmas_ and pressing his lips to Will's. Will kisses him back and wraps his arms around him, opening up his dark brown eyes. "Hey babe. Merry Christmas to you." "How are you feeling?" Connor asks, watching Will shimmy to one side of the bed so he's got room. The dark haired man slips next to him and laces their fingers together. "Really tired today but otherwise nothin' outta the ordinary." "You want me to let you sleep?" "No. I wanna be awake." Will protests, wanting to make the most of the day. "I brought you some Starbucks." "Best boyfriend ever." Will comments with a smile. "This hospital stuff isn't bad but that is _much_ better." He takes a small sip of the hot liquid feeling very happy. "I also got you a little present." Connor begins. "Oh you didn't have to. We talked--" "I know but I did." He pulls out a small wrapped box and hands it to Will. "Okay..Uhm..I actually managed to get you a little somethin' too.." "Did you?" "Yeah, little help from Maggie."

Will hands Connor a small box as well. "Thank you Will." He looks down at the carefully wrapped present with pictures of snowflakes all over it. Will starts opening Connor's present that he obviously had someone wrap. It was far too polished looking to be hand done. He takes the wrapping off and looks down at the box, slowly opening it up. Will stares down at the black leather strapped watch with a silver steel face. "Oh my god Connor!" He knows it's expensive and he can't figure out if he should be happy or pissed off. "You fucking bastard.." Will hits him gently but Connor's rewarded with a kiss anyway. "Damn you..You didn't have to do this.." "I wanted to. You deserve it." Will shook his head. He watches Connor turn his attention to his own present and slowly open it. "It's..it's the same necklace that you wear.." "Yeah. It's not much but I don't know. I thought St Christopher was appropriate for you too.." "No Will I love it." Connor runs his fingers over the silver necklace before leaning over and kissing Will. "I really do." 

"I also brought games." Connor said with a smile. "Games? Like boardgames?" "Yeah!" "What are we? 12?" "Oh what are you? Scared I'm going to beat you?" Will just laughs because hey, why not? There's some very intense card games and a couple of boardgames. "Okay for the sake of our relationship, we're not playin' Monopoly." Will decides, folding his arms. "No?" "No. We're not. I'm too tired to get pissed over a game." Connor just laughs but nods in agreement. "Sounds fair. Now how about we get some lunch?" "Sure. I don't think I can walk all the way there." "That's why I'm getting you a chair." And the older man leaves the room for a moment while Will slowly eases himself on the edge of the bed. Connor returns with a wheelchair and helps Will into it. He grabs a sweater to wear and tightens his scrub cap. Connor wheels Will out of his room, letting the nurses know before heading off the unit. He wheels Will down to the ED which confuses the red head a little but he let's Connor guide him. They head into one of the staff rooms with food laid out and some of their friends are there. Will is more than happy to spend some time with them on Christmas. "It's really great to see you guys." "Can't resist spendin' some time with my favourite red head.." Maggie replied smiling at her friend. Will smiles back at her. "Not so much red these days but it's a look." "It won't take long for your hair to grow back. You'll probably have even more of it." "Wouldn't that be a trip? I'd _really_ have to do my hair in the mornin' for sure." "How are feelin'?" Maggie asks, getting a concerned look on her face as she always does when she asks him. "Oh mostly just tired. Really tired. I felt a little nauseous last night but today it's just exhaustion which I'm totally fine with. How are you doin' these days?" "Fine. Boyfriend and I are good. Got me this bracelet for Christmas." Maggie says, holding up her hand for a moment. "Work's keepin' me busy as always and I'm just worryin' about you." "Oh no need. I'll be doin' the worryin' for both of us. And thanks again for gettin' all those presents for me. I really appreciate it." Will replies with a chuckle. "Anythin' for you." Maggie says smiling back at him. He was definitely going to make this up to her somehow whether she liked it or not. 

Will manages to last a couple of hours before he's totally wiped. Connor wheels him back to his room and helps him into bed. It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep and Connor sits with him for a little while reading a book before his phone goes off. The older man gets up and paces the hallway on the phone while Will who woke up a little wonders who he's talking to. A couple of minutes later Connor comes back. "Who was that?" Will murmurs to him with his eyes still closed. "My sister. She wants me to have dinner with her tonight." "You should go to her. I think it'll be good for you to keep patchin' things up with her." "Are you sure? I said I'd stay with you." "I am. I don't know what I'd do without my brother and you deserve to have a relationship with your sister." Connor knew Will was right but he still didn't want to leave him. "Seriously Connor. Go. You can come by tomorrow. I'll still be here." Connor furrowed his eyebrows but nodded. "Okay." He kisses Will a couple of times, running his fingers over his bald head before finally and very reluctantly, leaving.

Will settles back into bed and falls asleep. He knows he should get up and try to walk around but sleep is way too tempting today. Will sleeps for a good long while before he hears another voice. "Will.." He doesn't even open his eyes but holds his hand out before Jay laces his fingers with his. "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas to you too brother." Will slowly opens his eyes and smiles. "How are ya?" "Oh good. Was gonna come by earlier but I had some last minute paperwork to do." "No worries. My schedule is wide open." Jay laughs a little at his comment and sits in a nearby chair. "How are you feelin'?" "Tired. Nothing outta the ordinary. I got you a present." "You mean Maggie got me a present?" Jay teased, that signature grin on his face. "Well, yes but I paid her for it and it was my idea. Now open it." "Bossy..." "I tell people what to do for a livin'. I'm not a manager for no reason." Jay laughs and starts to open up the small box. It's a leather bound journal with Jay's name embossed on the front in silver letters with something tucked in the pages. "Oh my god Will. I really like this..." But it's the expression on Jay's face when he sees what's in the pages that gets the most reaction. "OH my god!! Season tickets? How did you do this?" "Treated one of the players kids." Jay hugs Will tightly, grateful for the gifts and even more grateful he still has a brother to hug. "You're welcome." Will murmurs to him through the hug. 

"I brought fried chicken." Jay says once they break their embrace. "Did you? It certainly smells amazin'." Jay had been slightly worried the smell might upset his brother but he seems okay with it. The two brothers have a picnic in the hospital room and Will is happier than he's ever been. As far as he's concerned it's been a perfect day. And maybe Jay's snuck a small bottle of champagne in the room and he pops the cork and pours them each a glass in a plastic solo cup. "You're terrible." Will says with a grin and they clink their glasses together before sipping the sparkling liquid. "Thank you."


	7. winter walks.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> will gets his diagnoses.

It's Will's birthday and perhaps the news is appropriate on this particular day. He's holding Connor's hand as he listens intently to the doctor. He's holding his breath, awaiting the news, awaiting what his current fate might be. 

_Remission._

The former red head blinks a little at first and doesn't answer. His brain is taking in the words and calculating it all. it takes a few more minutes before Will finally speaks after Connor whispers a _Really?_. 

"Remission? I'm..I'm in remission?" Will finally says, his blue eyes filled with hopeful light for the first time in a while. "Remission William." 

"Oh my god.." A hand brought to his mouth to cover it, eyes welling up. He can't stop his arms flying around his doctor and squeezing them gently. Will lets go and plants his lips against Connors, tasting the other man's tears on his lips. Of course there's a plan for follow up appointments but soon he can go home again and eventually ease himself back into working. It feels like a miracle and a gift he never thought he'd receive. After having several moments with Connor, Will finally picks his phone up and calls Jay. 

"Looks like you're gonna be stuck with me for the rest of our lives." Will says into the phone without any context. Jay pauses for a moment while his own brain realizes what his younger brother is saying. "Oh...OH! OH my god!" Jay exclaims loudly. He's sitting in their break room, wanting some privacy once he realized who was calling. His co-workers hear him through the closed door and while they all push themselves up and out of their desks, they note Jay's expression. They relax, smiles on their faces. 

The day Will gets to leave the hospital is a very happy day. He's pleased and thanks every nurse before Connor loads him into the car. "Can we just stop for burgers or somethin' please?" Will asks, getting settled in the car, shivering a little. God he hates winter but he supposes he's glad he gets to see winter again and _feel it_. "Sure." Connor replies with a smile on his face. "Then I'm going to stay with you for a while." "Hoverin' over me huh?" Will teases, a smirk spreading across his face. "Yes! You ass." Connor leans over and kisses him gently before starting to drive away. 

There's playful banter all the way home. Connor helps Will out of the car and grabs his bag and the food. Jay's already there and the three of them head upstairs to Will's apartment. Will's sitting on the couch eating burgers with his two favourite people and he couldn't be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short but I just wanted a sweet ending like that. I felt like it suited it and he needed it. I hope you all enjoyed and Im sorry it took so damn long.


End file.
